Emotions

Not sure if you saw this recent piece of news out of Australia, but it sounds a lot like a Thelma and Louise love story.

“A young man who doesn’t cry is a savage. An old man who can’t laugh is a fool.” - Richard Rohr

MEA alum Myra Lavenue's guest post yesterday about finding a new best friend in her fifties reminded me of a term I once used to describe how I felt when I'd met someone who instantly inspired me by their radiance. I called it "Spontaneous Admiration."

I wasn’t looking for a best friend. I’m 56, I’ve been with my beautiful wife Elizabeth for 24 years now, and have a large network of friends and former colleagues. Still, a part of me felt closed off due to the losses I’ve had in my life.

On the plane to Baja, Mexico, I learned about shame triggers. I won’t tell you what they are, that’s Brené Brown’s job in Atlas of the Heart. But what I will tell you is I had a huge AHA moment. An AHA on my way to Baja.

At different life stages, we have opportunities to make new friends while also valuing and retaining long-term friends.

“To love someone long-term is to attend a thousand funerals of the people they used to be. The people they're too exhausted to be any longer. The people they grew out of, the people they never ended up growing into."

Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates may be phenomenal businessmen, but who's to know whether they're great husbands? They've both gotten divorced in the past couple of years, giving further evidence to the fact that more money (one-third of a trillion dollars in net worth between the two of them) doesn't mean a merry marriage.

Recently, I was introduced to Dr. Robert Waldinger. He runs the Harvard Study for Adult Development, a seminal eighty-year longitudinal study of humans that tells us a lot about what creates life satisfaction. His TED talk has been viewed more than 40 million times, and one of the key lessons is relevant to those of us in the Modern Elder community.

Breakdowns are hard, and they often feel quite solitary. It's like you're the only person in the world feeling the way you do. Of course, we all know that's not true, but logic doesn't prevail when we're in that state.