Midlife

Going back thousands of years, society has celebrated rites of passage as a means to show community support to people going through a pivotal life transition, whether that be puberty, commencing adulthood, marriage, welcoming a baby into the world, or death. Rituals provide a “rest stop for the soul,” recognizing the end of one thing often marks the beginning of an exciting new start.

At the end of last year, I wrote a post focused on the 5 best MEA-themed films of the year, but none of them are up for Best Picture this weekend.

As the Millennial generation tiptoes into midlife, I have some hope. Unlike past generations, which were more socially impacted by the tyranny of the linear, three-stage life—learn till your early 20s, earn till your early 60s, and adjourn till you die—Millennials and GenZ have popularized the idea of a quarter-life crisis.

“I think you have to grow up twice. The first time happens automatically. Everyone passes from childhood to adulthood, and this transition is marked as much by the moment when the weight of the world overshadows the wonder of the world as it is by the passage of years. Usually you don’t get to choose when it happens. But if this triumph of weight over wonder marks the first passage into adulthood, the second is a rediscovery of that wonder despite sickness, evil, fear, sadness, suffering—despite everything. And this second passage doesn’t just happen on its own. It’s a choice, not an inevitability. It’s something you have to deliberately go out to find, and value, and protect. And you can’t just do it once and keep it forever. You have to keep looking.” Nate Staniforth (magician)

In “American Beauty,” Kevin Spacey stars as Lester Burnham, an advertising executive who finds himself in the middle of a midlife crisis. At 42 years old, life has been a frustrating mixture of lost opportunity, frustrated longing, and oppressive social constraint.

One of my most profound lessons from our five years of running MEA (3,000 alums and counting) is that many of us in midlife have an outdated idea of who we are or want to be. Our identities—and our mindsets around those identities—are like a straitjacket confining us to being exclusively the hero, the joker, the caregiver, or the underdog (go ahead and fill in your own blank). While these archetypes may have served us at one time, there is a good chance they’ve also limited us.

Last century, we had the tyranny of the three-stage life: learn till you're 20-25, earn till you're 60-65, and adjourn till you die. Your "earn" period was defined by Milton Bradley's The Game of Life, complete with tokens earned for the typical life achievements—spouse, kids, career, homeowner, savings, and all of the other responsible decisions along this linear path.

So, what are we to do now that we’re living longer? Well, for many, one solution is to work longer. Fifty years old might be midlife, but now it’s mid-career, as more and more people are working into their 70s and 80s.

With the holidays nearly upon us, I would argue that the most universally endearing (and enduring) Christmas flick is "It's a Wonderful Life," with Jimmy Stewart in the lead role as George Bailey.